Pop goes the weasel ,cause the weasel goes pop

I had something really funny to say and sitting here all I can think is I have to go to the bathroom really badly.


So , now that that's taken care of... My friend David and I were talking about sex the other day. Mostly objects,places and whys ..usual chef talking in all honesty.

Oh FYI, David is happily married man with a wonderful wife and two beautiful little girls. ...just point of reference.

We both sort of giggled that chefs probably talk about sex in some sort of way everyday,every hour and depending on the establishment every moment we can. Culinary arts is a very sexual industry. Not just in how we talk to each other but in the foods we use.

So from the perspective of a 15 year GIRL food industry was the way to hang out with men( boys, who wants to hang out with boys) and be seduced into this world. I remember as a young lass, the world I walked into was full of 27-35 year old crusty, drug taking,beer guzzling sex gods. I was all virginal and their little project.
For four years I was treated as an equal ( ok so not really till I was 17. They treated me like a little kid till then but that's ok) . I was introduced to drugs, hard booze,oral sex, man handling,everything had sexual overtones to it, every bit of music that blared was dark and pulsating . They never wanted to have sex with me, they just wanted me to think they did. They seduced me into their world and taught me about other men and about pleasure just as they were teaching me how to sharpen my knives or make hollandaise.
These were my rock and roll gods. I still remember all their names.

Other places never came close to this place or these men. Sure most male chefs try to get me worked up about sex because I am a female. But it never works . I am usually teaching them the correct word or usage. The grab ass has swiftly been eliminated in the industry because of PC and I suppose in other industries its best thing. Food service is different though. I never knew any women sleeping her way to executive chef( god why would you) or shit like that.
My sous and I probably cross the line ( not saying we dry hump in the storage area lol) but we talk about sex a lot and giggle ..or whatever.

Then there is the food....bananas,carrots,oysters gooey duck clams,clams, horseradish root ... So many things that look like vaginas and penises .....
Then there are sexual aphrodisiac properties of foods like oysters ,strawberries and anise(licorice),potatoes( I haven't a clue) chocolate ( happy endorphins ) caffeine ,asparagus...mmmm,garlic and mustard. Then again Rhino horn ground up is said to make a man have an erection for days....







Ouchie ouchie


OUCHIE!!!!!!!!!

Oh sweeeeeeeet baby Jesus

Nothing more than a few food porn , a drink everyone should have in their fridge and the cutest little copper pot ...oh it's sooooo cute.


Ok so the beef is an espresso rubbed beef tenderloin with shaved goat cheese on crostini. It is soooooooooooo fuckin good. I am talking melt in your mouth no coffee ground bullshit good.

Then of course is that adorable copper pot. It actually belongs to the president of the university. No , I didn't take it. The photo was taken at their house when I was doing a dinner tree last week. But it's sssssssoooooooo cute!


Then the drink. Ok , so blood orange. It's really really GOOD. Refreshing and crisp like well , blood oranges with a little bitterness to it too. To bad it's only found in Canada ...bastards.


Ad last but not least. ..... grilled halibut with cilantro mango lime sauce over warm white bean ragout. The client licked( allegedly) the plate clean.




Told ya I am good.

Stark raving sane

So what's a girl to do after being sick?

Well, have a cocktail of course. Serious ... Nothing beats chest congestion then a nice big girl gin and tonic.

Then off reading what someone in my group thinks is a next big thing because USA Today printed.
This is about food ,peeps, so play along like your fascinated by it as I am...I am not FYI.
So this article was all hey you should eat corn fungus cause it tastes like mushrooms(duh it's fungus)
Or poisson cru ,which is basically ceviche with coconut milk. Now that's far out and never been done before ...like NEVER.

You might want to sit down for this next one.....places serving hot out of the oven cookies..EEKKK! This exists!!!! Someone wrote it as a food trend!!!!

Seriously?

Or (wait for it) empanadas!!! Yes! What you never heard of empanadas ? Well no fear, they are the new cupcake ,don't you know .  So I am sure there will be empanadas bakeries or pop up shops on every street corner in like ...umm never.


Ok , so even I know my spelling and grammar is a bit off and I should have an editor for myself while I write, but for fucks sake...,my kids can give you a better scoop on the food trends of the coming year.  Everything can be a food trend eventually . It depends on what the hipster kids all think is neatly or special. FYI ...I hate hipster kids. You have no taste in food ....or music. Or clothes because you insist on pay $100 for jeans I can get at St. Vinny for $.50 and  look better.



My mind just went blank....


I know it was pretty damn funny too.


Did I mention my hair smells really nice? Like ginger and water lilles.

I don't want to change the world, I am not looking for a New England

So I made myself cry today.

It was a weird feeling to be sort of blubbering in the bathroom at work ..( are you actually shocked that ,on a Saturday, I am at work?? Welcome to my catering life... 165 ppl by myself cause well, that is how I have to roll.)

But back to the blubbering and all its glory.......

As many of you know,( ok sorry for the interuption  again, but when I say many of you , i mean like the 3 ppl that know me , KNOW ME...I am sorry but I know that some of you don't know me that well or only know the small delightful rants I do and such but don't know much of the history or how I became this adorably insane beautiful lass...CATCH UP!) for about 14 years, same age as my youngest..bless his demented soul, I have been hugely  overweight. I am talking OBESE. I am not kidding .I was 320lbs in 2003. Yeah, I actually choke back the anger and tears from that.

Side note....I have my period...like now. So please bear this in mind while reading this.
Oh and so not to have another side note or what , background check here.
I have always had issues with my weight and yes I blame my mom. But I blame her mother first and foremost. She was a piece of work who hated my father and my brother for no reason other than they both stood up to her.But yeah, for as long as I can remember I have been told what to eat and how much and made to feel like food was evil. Thinking back , my god , food was a huge thing in my family. Like it was the center of our life. We all loved it. My mum was a shall we say adventurous cook( eek) but most of the time it was really good food. And holiday time oh dear fuckin GOD!!!!! BEST FOOD EVER!!!!.But her chicken noodle soup sucks.
But funny thing was I was never fat. All through High School I was playing sports like tennis and working in kitchens but I was like 145-150lbs pretty much till after I graduated from college and met my ex husband..

So basically from an early age, I was fucked in regards to my weight in relation with food and my relationship with food in general. I get to how it messed up me mentally later in the show.

And we are back..

So three different times in my life I have tried to lose this gross amount of weight. First time was just after I told my ex husband I wanted a divorce after almost 8 years together and with  a crazy ass version of Atkins where I ate a lot of bacon , grapefruit and salads with ff dressing. I went insane. I am not even kidding you. There was even a study done with this diet that people exhibited schizophrenia characteristics. But did this stop me?? Hell no....bring on more crazy. I did lose weight... about 60 lbs.
But did I mention I was also drinking at this time...or had started to drink and I am not a drinker.

Ok , back on track... Second time was about 6 years ago or so..just before I started this job. I did the nutrisystem and I lost about 100lbs very fast. I did...i swear. But I was a women possessed. I cried at Wegmans because I couldn't find canned fruit cocktail with natural juices. Yeah, I was a mess but I lost 100 lbs and I was to, someone else, beautiful and desirable  and they were proud of me.

4 years ago, I gained all the weight and some back. The worse feeling was I knew I had done it to myself. The stress of my job , of life made me retreat into myself. And that SUCKS!!!! I was
disgusted with myself and instead of actually standing up and doing something about it , I made it
everyone' fault that I was fat. I got angry quickly, horded food and made myself pretty much a fat ugly pig. I am not being shy or such here. I was a mess. Seriously .....really bad news. I dressed badly, wore oversized clothes, cut my hair too short and wore manly shoes...yeah, I was a walking sex GODESS in doc martens.




Two years ago I began to crash. Yes , it can take two years to crash...it happens. Shut up, it's my story.
I just began to really unravel . I thought of killing myself more times than I care to think. I thought of just walking away from my family, my friends etc and just going off by myself. I kept it pretty much inside and ate myself further into blah existence. Everything suffered....EVERYTHING. I couldn't even fake being happy .

Then the bottom fell out.

I had two choices : keeping going as is and keep gaining weight till I couldn't function. Or  pull myself out of the darkness I fell into.

If you haven't guess I went with door number two.

It's been a long time since I have been this happy. It's such a simple thing. I know that many people struggle with weight loss. It is hard, especially in this day and age ,when there is no more normal which is stupid.  What's normal for me is not normal for a women my height but different body frame.
And you might say " well, how are you so different ,smart ass?" Well, I am not actually. I am just a women who got sick of being obese and sick of  feeling well, sick of herself.



I'm  doing it for me and only me. Not to make someone love me or desire me, not so my family can stop feeling pity on me, not for any other reason than because I am worth more to me happy than an
empty shell of a human that I used to be.  I found myself. Not in the hippie sort of way. But in the , " Hey there beautiful. You're wickedly funny. And oh yeah, you're cool and can rock a pencil skirt and
high heels. I remember you! ". I am calm now too. Like weirdly calm. Some how , I have just sort of
found this inner peace that allows me to just be calm...not all the time but more so than not. I am more rational and able to not stress out as quickly. I look at life differently, at people.
(Those playing along...in 4 months I have gone from 263 to 197)
So the other side effect of all this is a new found love of food.  I look at food in awe now I guess.
Even as I cook at work , I look at things a lot different and have gotten very irritable with people who treat food badly.
Lately , I have been doing catering gigs by myself  so I can just cook without others interfering in my mind set. And it's been awesome. Some stuff didn't work out but that's the beauty of cooking. It's a
creative  process.

Ruin is the path to transformation ......



Oh so yeah, the blubbering.
So there I was , going to the bathroom and washing my hands cause well duh. And as I placed my apron back on and looked  up into the full length mirror.......

And began to cry.



Yeah, yeah.  Leave it be.









There is a point here. That food is  something to be taken serious. That the things we take in and consume have effects on our entire well being. That sometimes the stress of life need not be compounded by shoveling cookies or devouring a bag a chips.  I am not getting all preachy.




But where did the pleasure of food go? Where did cooking food well go? I really could write about
American lifestyle counter to that of our euro cousins....huge difference in how they view food andweight. I think I will.
The


But for fucks sake enjoy your food. It is not the enemy here. You are.


Though I am not saying have sexual relations with your food....even apple pie



A

Your quiet eyes won't sleep tonight

I have to say.... I am impressing myself on how really awesome I am at cooking.

Ok , I am sure your scratching your head and going, " Are you on crack? Are you not the women who says she can cook circles around anyone and how you have forgotten more than our sous chefs will ever know?"

Yes yes.....point? ( and yes, I Am talking to myself. But in my defense , I am talking to you  just in my head and answering for you to . By the way ,you are very nice, smell awesome and have great taste in beer.)

Back to the conversation at hand..... I have come to bring my own truths about myself lately as you have bared witness too. In them , I accept that I have crappy off days and I am unhappy on how whole meals though usually only aspects of the meal turn out as what I lovely refer to as tequila shrimp taco bad.
So when I am on....wooooooooooooooooooaoooohoooooooooooo BABY! I am on FIRE!

Look

You have seen other pictures ...then there are these. I wasn't happy with that pink dressing which is tomato cucumber. Obviously it needed to be RED not blush.
I was going to put up the presidents dinner but the sauce au natural is missing and it doesn't look as good. But my god it was heaven! I made beef stroganoff with tenderloin today for the soccer team at school.. The secret is nutmeg and a little dill.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


I was talking with the catering director today about cooking styles and other chefs . He brought up a chef he knows that was trained in France and is all about fresh and local etc. my first thought was why did you come back and second , back to small town NYS. But t got in my head again about fresh ,local ingredients .
I'll never be able to do what I want at my current job in this regard. It's sad that I can bring local foods in because they cost to much to justify it.
So, that is why I am now writing my business plan for my own set up.

But that's already been started ....it's a bit out there and I am not entirely sure it will be a viable business .i have been thinking about it for two or so years now. I made notes and did research on it too. To just place all duckies in a row. I scraped a lot of ideas, lie  awake for days ...weeks at night, just thinking and planning in my head. Now it's time to write and draw the plan out.
I found out there is a lot more planning to do than I realize and since I am doing it on my own, I need to slow it down so i am not over looking so when I send it to the money makers ...I have dotted all t's etc etc. So much to think about and plan for.


My idea is great I think and semi original but that's ok right?
Every time I think of the word plagiarizing , Cemetery Gates By the Smithes ,pops into my head.

Ohhhhhh bullshit I call

Why do people or why are people all weird lately!?



Oi!!!! All you write a Damn comment!


Rants and raves.........

Soon..... Very soon

Rants of Amadeus women

Spell check is stupid on an iPad ,I swear. That was suppose to be something slightly different , but what the hell.
So it's almost 2am.... Bars are closing ..

I am home on my second gin and tonic , the house is quiet for once. This week , well it's been a week that has tested my abilities as a chef. It has tested me period.

I think I have come out ahead but I am sure I have paid some sort of price.
Here in lies the problem.

Every move requires a price to pay. Some big some small...all will effect the ultimate outcome. I think I play the game well because I keep not my interests up front I keep my staffs  first and foremost.
I don't know how well of a leader that makes me but ultimately that is only my business or problem.
I believe in me well enough that I am doing the utmost best or my staff and my company.

Right now though, I am dealing with issues and rouge staff and those who confuse friendship with the dynamics of the kitchen. Don't ever think you can talk down to me as if I am dumb.
I have forgotten more than most cooks will ever even dream of. My mind works fast and furious and leaves no prisoners .


Have I mentioned I almost lost my shit on my helicopter this week? Oh yeah! One small " just smile " comment and I almost tore into him...BIG TIME. Thankfully I was on my way to cocktail meeting! Cock massacre everted .

I so don't want to work today ! I just want to sit home cook some kick ass food ,drink and watch soccer....but I guess a soccer banquet does the same.....right?


Oh more later.....just need another drink.



Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah grrrrrrrrr


I want to go to the old pink on Saturday ......anyone ??? ;)