Tuesday, January 1, 2013

STOP YOUR FOUL WHINING, YOU FILTHY PIECE OF DISTENDED RECTUM!

I love to say that to some people sometimes.
Mostly staff that whin about the heat or working hard and not taking short cuts  or even money.

Now I hate hot kitchens but after 26 years I am not about to complain about it. Gone are the days of sucking it up and just getting on with it. Now , the older chefs have to endure these new pampered cooks who think they are the end all of the culinary world. Most wont survive their first real job because hopefully a crunchy,grumpy old chef will make them peel 1000 pounds of carrots and potatoes. Peeling shrimp....peeling and deveining them till their fingers are numb. If they do survive  and still want to go on, then these are the people you want in our kitchens.


Devotion and work ethics can't be taught at work or school. It's either in you or not. And that brings up something. To go to school or to work your way up.

I went to the C.I.A. back in the early 1990's. it was rough. Chefs yelling at us, breaking our sports and then not bothering to really rebuild any of us. That was up to us to figure it out. They gave us the tools,it was up to us how to use them. I think I was yelled at twice, had my finger almost chopped off once( thank you chef Chang for not cutting it off) ,had no less than three objects thrown at me, was called a pathetic dog in four languages  and was punched in the chest( by a fellow student after I reacted to him shoving my face into rancid beef). Yeah ,it was a hoot ..seriously it was. I learned sooo much. More than I really could use in my daily life but when I can its like I am high. It sounds funny to say that but I am not talking about my basic principles of cooking though there are a lot of times I want to rip stuff out of my staff hands when they don't get basic stuff like why we braise certain foods or the difference between baking and roasting. Or just simply knowing the whys of food.
But that's where I come in. Even my sous chefs lack some basic knowledge ,though they are steps
above my staff. And speaking of them , they are a good example of culinary education versus  hands
on field work. Even though there is a slight age difference , the knowledge is quiet different too. But they I will get to in later posts.  But I will say that N and even my ex admired about me ( I am sure others do too but would never say it because some how that would make me in a way an awesome chef and we certainly can't have that getting out can we?... Lol) is my strange ability to just grab ingredients and just know it will turn out and my endless brain that can recall things and argue out why something will or will not work before a pan is heated. It's just about the only plus side to my thinking brain.

Did you know that turmeric is part of the ginger family?

As I have said I think...I think a lot ,sometimes way to much about stuff and sometimes not enough. Usually the not enough leads to chaotic emotion driven actions . These in principle aren't always bad things but not always fun because then well, that's a story too.



But hey, back to going to school or not. Honestly, if I was 18 with the same family I bet I would forgo  school and go around Europe for a year doing stages or working very cheap then come back to the states and doing the same.  I might go to school after all that but that's a big maybe. Don't get me wrong ,having C.I.A. On my résumé has opened doors at least those who know . When I first started looking for work after school , it was like hitting the duh wall. People thought its was either THAT C.I.A or Chicago  institute of art or something like that. Or worse one guy didn't believe me that I went to it and asked for my grades. Yeah true story....and it was for a shitty job too. Point being the schooling was a door opener at the time. Now I dare say ,that if you don't have something to back it
up like solid work experience in a real non corporate (ie Applebee's) restaurant then your education
means squat.


Just work...work the shitty shifts, the shitty hours and do whatever the chef,sous chefs and higher up cooks tell you. There will be no please or thank yous. If you want a squeaky clean banker hours job,be a fucking banker. Leave the sweaty hard work to those who can. This job can and will devour you and I doubt the kids coming out of schools these days have the stomach or the ethics to suck it up and start from the bottom no matter how much education you have....espically if your work experience sucks.
When all is said and done ,you will be better off.

When I got out of school, I thought I could be a sous chef. What I got was a line cooks job in a hack place. But I did it because it taught me shit like timing and working in tight spaces. And when I got my first sous chef job I failed and was fired in three months. Second sous chef job at 23 , luckily was in a small 80 seat places run by another C.I.A grad and his partner and one of the best times of my life. He taught me a lot ,not just cooking but also how not to run a business .

My point of all of this is an education worth $50k of debt? If you get a free ride,go for it. Otherwise whore your stupid self to other older chefs. ...and don't!!!!! Keep moving around so fucking much! Yes , a varied resume is great. But a bouncer just sends up red flags.



Trust me.....

Old Swiss tradition

Eating French onion soup just after midnight on New Years is suppose to bring good luck for the new year!!!

Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas.

Ahhh a new year is breaking in a few minutes and one usually goes through all the " oh I am going to lose weight" or " I am going to be a better person" all the bullshit and crap we try to imagine we will do and inevitably within weeks drop because its to hard or whatever excuse.

Why not have no resolution except just do it. Don't pin point what it is. Just start each day a new.
We could all eat better, do better at our jobs,be better human beings. Time to stand up and walk the path less traveled and come out of the shadows into the light. The worst failure is not trying.

I guess I am actually speaking about myself. But am I not you. Only difference between humans is circumstances. And what you do with it. So why do we treat each other badly? Why do we hurt each other? Don't the differences make us a better world?

So now it is 2013 and there is a wonderful sense of calm that has taken over me...it literally has been this past week. If you have been following along I am a bit insane and a bit well off. I don't think any of that will change.
You can't function in my line of work as a normal human being. You just can't without becoming a ruined human. Well actually we as chefs are already ruined. So it's ok. It's those few of us that understand this ,accept it and just learn to work with it. It just is how it is . The more creative you are the more insane you are.
Now let me get out what this insanity is.... No, we aren't dangerous unless we forget the gas is one and light the kitchen up . That could be a problem . Mostly our insanity is just how anal we are and how self absorbed we become when we are in our creative mode. It's is pretty much most of the time. And it varies between chefs. I have found that age doesn't matter. I don't actually know what it is . But it's funny to see how people are.

You think as a chef we are all sort of similar in some aspects but really we couldn't be different . Even those of us that are on some levels the difference are very evident. Maybe again it's circumstances.
I grew up with slight off parents. Nice people ,hard working lovely generous people. But a little off. I might have to differ to my brother about this but while we were a tight family ,it wasn't all warm and fuzzy. We were loved and still are but I think my folks don't understand either of us. But thankfully, despite the distance ,we understand each other. And we are very different people to some degree yet probably very much alike. But that is for another time since tangent went a bit longer than planned and the beer and pâté are settling in.

But back to the calmness.

Chefs aren't calm people by nature. And I think I speak for those with the love and passion like mine when I say it's not that we like being this way. It's just is. There are varying degrees too. There are the Gordon Ramsey types that scream at people. Sorry but that doesn't teach nor motivate people. There are e Thomas Keller types...the serene calm which makes a harmonious kitchen. And there are the inbetweeners ones that float between both screaming and calm. That's probably the worse type and where I have in the past fallen into. But all that does is make people not want to work for you...at least not how they should want to. So I guess in a way I do have a New Years resolution though its not because of changes that have happen to me the calmness has happen. The only problem now is rebuilding. But that is the easiest part. I think people are willing to embrace leaders provided they're calm ,fair and above all consistent.

Of course getting other people on board is the hard part. But for me,not really because its time for its my way unless you have a better than me idea. But that's why I am in my position and they are not. My team will make me better as I make them exceptional.


So that brings it all back to resolutions...I have none. I have no intention of making promises because that's not what I am all about...at least not right now.

One thing I plan on doing and it's an on going thing till the day the last breath of my body departs is :

I am going to set the world on fire.


And it's not about fame or even a lot of money cause I don't need or want either.
It's about nothing more than a single idea.....a single word actually










Throatwobblermangrove











Saturday, December 29, 2012

Welcome to the Cheap Seats

Time to give you all a big old guide of what you need in your kitchen. From pantry to vessels to gadgets...this is not only what I recommend but what I use.

So lets start with the pantry. Well ,actually ,we are going to venture into the fridge first.

You need to have on hand the following:
'Chicken: breasts and whole. Have some fresh in the fridge at all times and a back up in the freezer. Buying a whole chicken lends itself to many things namely roasted chicken,then salad and the bones can be used for stock...mmmm stock

Beef: ground(90/10),flank steak and bottom round. Buy in large chunks and break down into smaller portions. Good freezer bags are your friend.

Pork: bacon,center cut pork loin . Sausage ....any type you fancy. We like knock wurst and bratwurst .


Turkey: burgers,breasts(raw) and drumsticks

Cheese:Cheddar..a big block ,Sliced Swiss,and American slices

Milk: regular and Almond

Butter: sticks and spreadable. One for cooking the other for toast. I actually use a yogurt spread. Less calories and tasty

Fresh fruit and vegetables: try to be seasonable and buy only what you'll eat. And remember most in store organic is not any better than the regular stuff. When your able buy from a farmers market or co op. Yes ,these are more than likely costing you more but your supporting a local business twice fold.

Yogurt and Sour cream

Herbs: either home grown or store bought. I don't keep any dry herbs only spices with the exception of sage cause I don't use it very often.

Garlic: one of the few things I will buy already chopped in water.

Horseradish: just do it

Tofu: yes tofu. It's a great source of protein

Ketchup,whole grain mustard,mayo, assorted salad dressings

Hummus: learn to make it homemade and your family and friends will love you.

Beer and wine : not just for consuming either.

IEnglish cucumbers: salad and pickling

Eggs

Dry pantry:
Most is self explanatory, but I think the bacon marmalade is probably something most haven't seen. It's also my second jar in three months....mmm
What you see again are basic things. I also keep flour,sugar, yeast,baking soda and powder, assorted cracker box or at least those Danish rounds that are overly crispy,odds and ends from Aldies cause they have weird German stuff like pickled white asparagus and Kiefer really cheap.

Sticky and brown rice




Kitchen gadgets is the next pile.

The mallet/ tenderizer. Mine is from Ikea and I love it.buy one that has weight on it. The cheap ones will just break one hit in.

Chefs knives: from the right:
12 inch chef
8 inch chef
Santoku knife
Stiff boning knife
Filet knive
Slicer
Diamond steel

Fresh tortilla press..mmm good stuff

Starting from the top:l
Pastry bag,
pastry brush,
gnocchi maker
Dough scraper
Pastry knife
Melon baller,
Zester
Corer
Juicer
Pastry wheel

From the top again:
Flipper/ metal spatulas
Measuring cups
Measuring spoons
Tongs
High temp spoon
Metal spoon
Peeler
Whisk
Rubber Spatula
Micro plane


Fine hand strainer
Mortar and Pestal
Clips
Assorted Round cutters
Digital Thermometer
Bottle opener


Rolling pins
Grinder
Air tight containers
Mandolin


Baguette pan
Pullman loaf pans
Baking dish
Sheet trays
Muffin pans
Cooling rack
Mini cheesecake pan

Wok

Strainer
Box grater
Bamboo sushi mat

Roasting pans

Cast iron pans....always keep these and keep them in good condition.

Assorted sized sauce pans: never throw these out,trust me


Assorted sauté and stock pot type of things.pans...you only need ones that can go from stove to oven...fuck that other shit. Buy all clad...or find old Le Creuset stuff. Good for sauces,saluting,soups,casseroles etc.


Good lids and if you know any one in food service these containers are awesome but you can buy them from and restaurant supply store ....do it!


Always have chop sticks!

A cool cookie jar


A plant because plants are cool

Kitchen aid mixer and cuisinart food processor ....Buy them!! They last forever. The mixer I have had for 22 years.


Misc. stupid stuff

Rice maker
Canning supplies
Attachments for kitchen aid like sausage maker and pasta maker
Pepper grinder
Fondue set
Metal kebabs holder
Propane grill
Waffle maker
Metal cookie cutters
Heart cake pans
Cake pans
Wooden cutting boards


You don't need pizza stones or bread makers...or any of that stupid fad stuff.
Just the basics is the best way to start then expand as you become a better cook.

The last important thing is this: my grand mums cookbook from 1925.. With her hand notes in it.
























































































Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You'd have a chance, at least. You could lie there thinking, "Well. At least I'm not dead.'

Why would you eat figgy pudding? Seriously why? It's like a big pile of custardy dog poo that in order to make it taste like something other than poo you soak it in cognac and set it a blaze . Best part of the whole deal if you ask me.

It's like the evil chunk found in the toaster at the end of Time Bandits. If you touch it ,you'll explode. And people won't go till they get some? And I am called insane?

Then again why would you eat a fruity brick, I mean fruitcake. I mean look folks we have the ability to make wonder lift fruit breads without all that crap that your friends and family won't use as a holiday paperweight next year . Stop the madness!


Why do we have wait till holidays to have things like goose or cut outs! I hate having one day that is designed for me to only indulge on those specific foods! It's being on a diet and using food as a reward for not eating it. I call bullshit!



Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Stop me if you heard this one before......

Oh yeah forgot to tell you this:

GO TO THESE WEBSITES AND USE THEM!!!!!

http://www.ediblecommunities.com/content/


http://veganmenu.blogspot.com/



Why you may ask?? Because I said so, DUH!!!!! Just do it before I stick Fish sticks with custard up your nose!!!! or better yet, I will make you watch Hee Haw!

Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied.....

Oh the joys of the holiday.
I do enjoy this time of year if anything people are nicer to each other, the air is crisp and its so pretty with all the lights.
Problem is it doesn't last very long then we are at each others throats and the outside becomes dirty and muddy with the daily ongoing life.

So no one died. Nothing changed except we all now have to live on in each others presence. Oh darn.
Another day to cook amazing food, another day closer to ruling my little world a little better. Well ruling is a large word I suppose to toss around. I know the saying is "hell hath no fury like a women scorned" But as a non scorned women I like to edit it to " Hell hath no fury like a women with a creative messed up mind" Again messed up is broad and not like messed up like nipple clamps on pigs( though nipple clamps on humans ...all for that)

I am finally in a position at work where I really can "play" with my food. My two very enthusiastic sous chefs are the backbone now and I am the brain of this operation. Lucky for me they are young, full of spunk and single...well all of us are ..lol. They bring an interesting mix to my life. Lucky for them I am full of piss and vinegar too .I am sure I will regale you with stupid stories( stupid joke Thursday is a favorite of mine plus the sing a longs we have) and such of what we are doing or recipes etc. So for the sake of them not knowing I am talking about them ( they know of the blog......probably should tell them I am going to record what we do...lol) They are Steel Thunder, one is N and the other Fred. Not original but hey ,not your blog is it;) I actually feel bad for Fred in someways because me and N have a very natural and free flowing friendship. Right from the start without much talking about things and how I wanted it run, we were on the same page, shared the same humor and never took daily crap serious.. Fred...well Fred, is younger and sort of out of his element like I was when I first started. He is the calm one of the three of us( to an extent). I feel bad for him because he literally got thrown into the fire and has been trying to pull us both out but it end up me doing it then N helping us in the very end....But I have good lads. Boys that I am charged with grooming into men ...into Executive Chefs. Its a big responsibility and it will be fun. We have bonded as a small tight Team Thunder ..beer and pool will do that .

So I am on break right now and not really thinking of work even though I am suppose to be working from home. Higher ups actually wanted people to spend the Xmas  week working out of town. I did the big " NO" not just for me but for my sous chefs. That was just crazy to think last minute any of us would drop our lives. What was  worse is they expected the single no kid men to do it no problem.  I call BS. But I still like the company...maybe just not some of the people in it. But I am trying not to actually work till early next week. But I really can't help but to think about food related things. Mostly I am just thinking of new ideas, ways to improve things and general things to make me giggle on a daily basis. The reality is I am not keen on being in Education cooking. It is not a bad gig, it really is not. But I am a restaurant women. I love that daily grind and push of a rush. I like that pressure and creative outlet. But what is unique for me is that I now can have more creativity though like home my only restriction is money and location . Cause lets face it, my creativity ,knowledge and sheer brilliance are beyond most. Heck even I am amazed when I just start working without thinking  and create. I am also working a business plan for when I blow out of here. 4 years...it seems long but 5 years have passed and I am almost done with this Purgatory limbo I am in. I don't mind where I live I just mind that it is in this state and that I am in the middle of NOWHERE!!!!! But my place will be small 40-50 seats. Beautiful terra cotta bar for awesome selections of beer and wine. Rotating seasonal menu. Local artists works displayed. Maybe even a late night for bands to do acoustic sets. Oh now this is a dream....a dream I really want to make happen. Not just talk about it, but actually make happen.

So here I am at almost 2am on Christmas....house is very quiet right now. Kids are at their Dad's and I am watching Firefly eating this




A nice beautiful Grilled Chicken and Rice Burrito.....mmmmm house made salsa,brown rice,and avocado. YUMMMMMMMY. The Jever is always a bonus.

Just was thinking how I always got razzed about thinking about the next days meals or even the weeks meals. I am a planner and that's just a chef thing. Well a really great chef's thing because I know a lot of chefs who don't plan stuff out for anything and of course you can imagine how that works. I do over plan a little but that's all part of my wonderful brilliant mind.  But back to my planning meals. Its not that I actually care what my family eats on any given day( ok I do but beyond cravings as long as they have the fruit, starch protein etc etc...life is good. They don't care what I fix them..they are young teenage men) But I enjoy the process of taking what I have and making things ...we have the staples but then I have to toss stuff in so they have a variety and learn to create inexpensive( the word cheap is a horrible word ) ingredients. Plus trying things like rabbit or different countries food. Variety is good. That is one of the things I will be doing over vacation break .... make food from three different countries...as authentic as I can. First up is Scandinavian with rabbit and beech nuts....I might even attempt Molecular Gastronomy...STAND Back ..I will be doing science here folks.

So I leave you with the holiday dinner I made for my family .........