Sunday, July 7, 2013

Blessed are the cheese makers......

I am hot.


It's still 75 here and it's 11 pm. And my house is a sauna. Hobbit houses do not make very good housing if not built into the earth. They are rather slimy ,sticky and small. Seriously, the ceilings are lower than any house I have occupied( let's face it, we occupy space , not live in it and yes, I got all deep and profound there. I even got a little physics too. ...least I think I did. It's late and I am hot and there are like 3633346464644646474733737 things in my head right now.)

Sorry, I got a little distracted.......


Where was I? Oh yeah.....I am hot. And while I enjoy the heat rather than the cold, this is just stupid warm..... But I rather be sweaty than shivering. Get your minds out of the gutter ......unless you want to share your images. 

Wait ......please don't share your images , "shivers".

I don't have or maybe I did have a thought to this post but now I don't feel like talking about it. Did you ever get that way? You're thinking about something maybe for an hour or two, maybe for a day ,a week etc. . Then, when you get a chance to express it, you just don't feel like it. Maybe you have thought it over 20 times and at 21 you're done. I get that way ; it's a bad habit/ quirk of mine. 

I usually get worked up about something and don't really say anything. Then , I let it fester in my head, having little dumb conversations in there or worse, I over think things. Mind you this happens cause there are many things going on in my head. I feel like I am juggling chainsaws most of the time. 

But , I have gotten better. I think mostly because instead of talking over people or trying to put my sense into a conversation, I am just listening. Waiting to be asked a question, then giving basic info to see if the person wants to actually have a conversation or just wants to pump me for info. The latter will just cause me to shut down. I have learned the hard way that giving away all the info gets me no where, wins me no friends or loyalty  from people.

By the way...I love the term " pump you for information" it's really a dirty term no matter how you pitch it. It brings up images of being pumped like a mustard dispenser . Or sexually pumped with vaginal quivers as your end result.


Yeah, I said...vaginal quivers. Try to get that image out of your head.( please don't think of mine....but you are probably now....STOP..... Unless you make me dinner;) )

And that brings me to something....remember that Proclaimers song that was played all the fringing timeeeeeeeee.  What the hell is havering to someone ? Sounds pretty much like a made up word.....oh Scottish friendsssssssss or word people.    























I actually do know what it means..

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Win a date with me

So here is the long anticipate essay I had to do for my boss.

I am not sure how well written it is but it is rather funny I think.

Though my boss thinks I need a date......


The Pama Roma: A Love Story

12 months ago, if you told me that I would be hugging a cold , strong, silent object every time I walked past it, I would think you were talking about an old boyfriend. But it still remains the strong, silent type and I do love it: My Pama Roma Pasta machine.

Up until then I had never heard of Pama Roma or knew machines like mine existed for the less industrial ventures like restaurants or even dining halls. I have grown up, both personally and professionally, in kitchens where you either made pasta by hand or used the hamster wheel crank of a pasta machine. Both are labor intensive and honestly, I got tired after 30 minutes.

The Pama Parsi Macchine or Pasta Station is in a nut shell, heaven in a 4 foot workstation. This amazing machine can make 20 lbs. of fresh pasta in less than 30 minutes from start to finish. This includes drying time in the racks below the station. The machine comes directly from Italy all nice and pretty in a giant crate. I have to say, that actually got me really excited when I saw it on my dock.

Once open though, the real fun begins. Though most of the instructions are in Italian, I was able to find a few manuals from the Pama Roma company themselves. Now, this is a side note…whoever got the pleasure of reading my emails, in probably bad Italian, BLESS them. They answered all my questions within hour’s sometimes even minutes of me sending the emails. The manuals were pretty basic, though, and only took a few reads and remembering the metric system, before I understood what I was actually dealing with.

This machine is easier than raising a teenage boy. In its basics, the tumbler mixes the semolina flour, eggs and other liquid. By other liquid I mostly mean water. But this is where fun part of the machine comes into play. The majority of the manuals do not give instruction on different flavors and proportions. I was basically told by my lovely Pama Roma friend to “play” with it. And that is just what we did and are continuingly doing.

We have experimented with flavors as basic as lemon pepper then moved on to wasabi (we do a pasta stir fry with our spiral pasta) and even tried orange pasta just to see if dessert pasta dish could be something that was feasible (it is with a mascarpone cream. It was sort of like sweet Alfredo texture. We are looking to expand the dessert pasta by experimenting with cocoa powders, coffee powders and things like that. Flavors that were hits included spinach, tomato, basil and stout which we used with a beef stroganoff and it was delicious!

The work station comes with the basic pasta shapes: tagliolini, tagliatelle, fettuccine and pappardelle along with a basic spiral that can be made into long thin spiral or short tight ones depending on the speed of your cutting blade. The flat pasta can be made into any thickness. The Sheeter-Cutter with stainless steel roller rough will allow you, through a simple leaflet, to refine the sheet width. 200 mm to the desired thickness and to prepare tagliolini, tagliatelle, fettuccine and pappardelle in widths: 2-4-6-12 mm. This can also be used to make lasagna sheets. We have experimented with making a type of layered pasta by thinning out sheets of two pastas (Tomato and Spinach) then sticking them together and sending them through the sheeter. It worked, we think. The pasta looked like a Crayola factory exploded on the pasta. But was pretty to look at and rather tasty.

The other aspect of pasta making with the Pasta Station is the ability to use different flours such as whole wheat, buckwheat, and semolina and rice flour. Each flour requires special attention as they each mix differently, have different stages of gluten binding and kneading. But with a lot of experimenting, we were able to make whole wheat, regular semolina and buckwheat. We played a little with the rice but never got the final product to our liking. This is important for us to find non-wheat gluten “friendly” pasta. Like many college and universities, we have Celiac and wheat sensitive students that grow in numbers every year. We value their health and feel it is important that have as much of the same food their friends are eating rather than be singled out as they have had to be because of their dietary needs.

One the last pasta making components is the ravioli maker. This part of the machine, I am very fond of. We have a lot of high end events that require us to make vegan dishes. I like vegan pasta dishes because we can replace any egg products with soy, egg replacements or other types of binders that adhere to vegan lifestyle. But the cool thing is the fillings. We can do any type of fillings. We have done a taco, pumpkin, smoked salmon and herbed cream cheese, sweet potato, four cheese, bbq smoked pork just to name a few. We have also experimented with dessert ravioli adding chocolate ganache in the middle or pieces of cake. The ganache worked the best, I have to say.

The pasta station comes with a few other bells and whistles: a cooling rack (7), four drawer storage unit and flour bin. All of them fit right under the work station and the machine is very easy to take care of and maintain. One has to be careful with the parts and hand washe everything. The dies themselves are made of soft brass and can be easily damaged as we found out this spring (luckily not to badly and we were able to fix it with a bit of buffing and “please don’t be broken, please don’t be broken’s”)

Oh, the dies are another really cool part of this machine. At only $250 a piece, you could procure a small collection that could meet all your pasta making needs. There are so many choices including assorted shell sizes for basic pasta to stuffed shells, all the favorite shapes like bowtie, rotini and radiator pasta.

What I really , really like about this machine and why I hug my machine(a lot) is that I get to give my students and the staff of the university a beautiful, fresh , made in house product that they can actually see us make every day. We have given students and staff samples of the pasta as it is made right off the machine. The delight and surprise on their faces is worth it all. Majority of people that walk in to the dining hall have never had fresh pasta, let alone in a “cafeteria”. Our students acknowledge they really appreciate and enjoy the fresh pasta versus the dry type. They feel it adds a value to their meal plan especially to the parent who sees that we are serving fresh pasta every day. T We learned, from trial and error that the pasta lasts longer than expected in its dry state, when properly stored. We are able to cook the pasta off just like restaurants do, giving the client the best possible and freshest meal. And just like our gelato machine, we ask for flavor suggestions from our students. We have had some interesting ideas like roasted corn, grape juice and vodka; though I think I just might have to do the PB and J ravioli just because I can. We are hoping to in the future to package the pasta for take home use. We have been experimenting with this in the way of making “cup of soup”mixs and selling them in one of our retails. It is basically cooked diced chicken, vegetables, house made bouillon and blanched noodles. All the customer has to do is add hot water and let stand for 5 minutes. The response has been better than expected and we hope to expand it in the future.



I love my Pasta Station. I am protective and guard it like it is my child. Only one other person really knows how to use it and I would like to keep it that way. I didn’t even let my regional chef get much time on it because I want to keep it all to myself. But once everyone tasted the pasta we were making, I knew my machine would be a popular guy.



But no matter what, I am going to keep hugging my machine.

Monday, July 1, 2013

In your eyes, your pale blue eyes

This is me.... Just fresh scrubbed face me. Thought you like to see who was babbling on and on about nonsense.





I am been trying to write a paper about my high end pasta machine for my boss that he wants to send off for trade magazines, for the past three days....No pressure ,right?

Friday, June 28, 2013

Breasts like deflated torpedoes

Did you ever notice after you say something semi or for reals serious , you just think of something so very wrong that you make yourself puke from laughing so hard at your own stupidity and skanky humor?



Yeah.....that was me a minute ago. It involved an umbrella   and a platypus .



(Heheheheh)


Ok so here are a few jobs , that if I lived near these cities I would consider....and I am dead serious.....look into my eyes..SERIOUSLY;)


http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/fbh/3901676272.html 

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/fbh/3901544367.html
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/fbh/3901388437.html
http://montreal.en.craigslist.ca/fbh/3863636376.html

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/fbh/3899301696.html
http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/fbh/3897781898.html



My favorite ad:
http://berlin.en.craigslist.de/fbh/3902074662.html

Summer gig 
http://berlin.en.craigslist.de/fbh/3872619533.html
http://berlin.en.craigslist.de/fbh/3861563940.html




I seriously need one of you to win 150million in the lotto and be my sugar person.
 If not, I am just going to keep writing about platypus and umbrellas .

I get this feeling I'm in motion,a sudden sense of liberty ......

Well , hello there sailor!! Miss me?

Oh my dearest blog, I have missed you. I know you have missed me as you have erased a post I have been working on for three weeks.....


Bitch.


That's ok. One thing I do not lack is a very long tight memory. I ,unfortunately ,remember to much... to many small details have been left in the deep ,dark nooks of my brain that not even therapy can purge. Thank god insurance paid for that.

So there blog...nah nah. I still win and now I am back . My squishy gray matter screaming for all the thoughts and things that have making me giggle to be excavated so that new ,more nauseating thoughts and things that make me pee myself can get locked in.

Oh blog ...my dearest blog... Lets catch up. Go get a drink, I'll wait.
Ok , so what has been happing to you?



Ok, silent treatment.....that's rather sexy if you ask me. I dig a moody , dark and non responsive blog...rawr!!

Oh, what have I been doing? Nothing much.


No, really ,nothing much. Work ,work work, good times,work,stuff, work,drama, drama, work ...and stuff.Though work and drama could actually be the same depending on the day. Major stuff has been happening and major players have been let go or leaving. So much behind the scenes stuff with people acting as if they are KGB or something. I hadn't realized that I was still in high school till about two weeks ago. Then it actually dawned on me,  that YES, I was indeed back in high school and yes, I was still the odd kid(in a good way, not the booger eating ,toe nail clipping sticking to a canvas "I think I am dark and moody" way).There are the cool kids, the ones that know everything and everything goes their  way. The quiet ones... They make very little waves and just float along. Then there is me.

It's sort of sad that we are in our 40's and 50's and instead just actually sitting down and speaking to one another about what the big plan is, stuff is done secretively and backstabbing is taking place by people who act as if they care about you.

No one cares .....I mean actually cares. And I care to much. I see the giant picture. I am forced too. I have too. No one else can or maybe they just don't want to. People are freaking out and I guess they should be. We are not doing as well as we should . I am to blame for a chunk of it and I have fully admitted to it. I let me guard down and trusted the wrong people to handle things because I need to take care of something....But that doesn't matter because things were not handled. Things got more messed up and now there are tense days and weeks. People are tense and fragile.





I am tired and with no one to really talk to about this , I am left to figure it all out like a big girl that I am now.I don't need or want empathy or sympathy. Life is hard ,that's a given,even when you're happy like a pig in poo like I am.

But .....sometimes, just sometimes, I wish there was like a hug squad. That a team of strong ,broad shoulder men wanders around waiting for the battle cry of a women (or man. Hey, no judgement here) that just needs a strong arm around their shoulder. A hug that lasts just a little to long or a cuddle that includes stroking of the hair. Can anyone recall just lying in bed with someone in a hug without exchanging words......just lying one on top of the other or on the sofa ,huddled together ...just in silence and then feeling so much better.

Sometimes silence and a loving hold can heal and sooth so much turmoil in a persons mind and soul.







Anybody want to cuddle ?














So.......How Did i do? To much? Verbal vomit get the best of me?
I am sober ,maybe that's it.

Oh, don't look at me like that. You know you love me. It's ok. I'll keep it between us.


But seriously, I have a sweet ass couch that is perfect for cuddling. Two people can stretch completely put on it. Like normal size people....like over 5'8" size people. Did I mention I love my couch? Though my bed is sweet too. New kick ass sheets and comforter.....and oh pillows too. New pillows!!!





I am just saying blog readers out there.......just saying.





Ohhhhhhhh does anyone know how to watch stuff from your computer on to the tv? Like say a soccer match or downloaded movie ? There is a beer in it for you!!!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Little pig ,little pig get in the damn smoker!

So, I am up at this hour doing what I do best......thinking.
I am actually up because after having a few cocktails Friday night , I crashed for two hours , got up again and took my eldest to the airport for his senior trip...at 3am . Then couldn't sleep, watched terrible indie film I haven't a clue the name . Stayed up till my mind had enough at 6pm till 9:30 . So, now I am wide awake.


Thinking.....
Actually , I was reading and doing basic research on business plans and writing proposals to get money etc. The whole thing will need someone helping me as (if you have been following this blog ,you would have noticed) I am not a fantastic speller and grammar person. I'm probably not bad at either , I'm just  sort of a lazy writer...lol


But here I am reading this book called " Eat With Your Hands" . It's a fantastic book. Crusty,Funny and the food is fantastic!
One of the recipes , for smoking a whole pig, has these listed as basic necessities :

Three cases of beer ,on ice. In cans ,not bottles
A couple of joints
2 bottles of bourbon
Plastic cups
An 8- ball
1 carton of smokes
iPod and speakers
2 head lamps
Batteries
Sturdy folding chaired
Tarp tent in case it rains
3 friends who like to stay up all night and who understand the importance of maintaining a consistent temperature in a smoker and are funny as fuck.


I read that,smiled ,and thought..." I like to stay up all night"


Then I turned the page to find pictures of the pig that had smoked . I think I actually said " om nom nom" out loud in a sort of low panting sound.



Not weird at all.


I just found the recipe for pork fries.........made from braised pork belly and serviced ( yes i said serviced and not served)with aioli.
Just imagine it for a few minutes .....

Let it soak in.....

Now , stop licking your lips and dry off the drool.
Geez ,can't take you anywhere ,can I?

Thursday, April 25, 2013

I used to be Snow White...but I drifted

Settle down..I know two posts in two days.
It's a Christmas miracle for sure.

Now before everyone gets all excited , this is going to be short and sweet.
I told you yesterday that it's busy catering time and basically busy, period. Sous Chef N is leaving and I have to deal with the other one( lord give me strength) BUT...little mama( that's me ,FYI. And happy also to say I am not BIG mama anymore . Woohoo ) has big catering a to do.

These giant catered events   happen twice a year for us . So I thought I would just share how my mind works while trying to be creative and innovative.

You can see from the picture , I am all over the place. The one stack of papers are ideas from the net that I will twist and turn around on their head to make them mine. Rarely am I lazy enough to just take a recipe straight off the net and call it mine.


BORING!!!!

Oh and two of those papers have more ideas on the back.



There is a sort of Van Gogh/ Mapplethorpe way I do things.

Though I have my ears and well, my food is abstractly sexual.





What ?? It is!!