Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Femme Fatale


I am a female cook/chef/head lacky should be sitting pretty sweet after 24 years in the "Biz" ,right?


Being a female in food service, like any male dominated field, sucks. Not only do I have to prove myself time and time again but i have to do it with a smile and a baby suckling from each breast. Oh and  a clean house and fresh laundry.

Fuck that!!!

If I am going to be the big wig and earn the bigger bucks and work 7432984132431 hrs a week, then don't expect a Stepford Wife house . Sorry, but even a monkey can do laundry...haven't the time to even put it away sometimes.

Female Chefs are expected to pull their weight as if they are men. There are no accomedations when we are pregnant( read this as a women who was 8.5 months along with baby #2 and working the grill at Disney.) if we want to retain some dignantiy....what little we have left cause sister...who in their right mind wears makeup in a 100 degree kitchen. You can't look your best with sweat dripping from your forhead, your ears, your breasts etc. And the reality is you have to be a cunt( pardon my language)..you have to  be stronger than the " boys" at every step of the way.

And trust me...they may love having a pussy in the kitchen, but if your better than them ( and you probably are....even my own brother realizes this) christ...look out. These sweet nice men with toss your ass so far under the bus that the crossing guard will pitty you. And it gets worse as you get older because your deemed as a realic to some of these young hot shots with their frozen cream top avocado essence..blah blah.

And you know what is worse than men in the kitchen....another women. OH GOD NO!!!!
I rather eat hiss cockroaches than work with females in the kitchen( not on my staff more side by side) I work with a female catering director and while I love her to death...i swear one of us is going to knife the other during an event ( i say that with love and affection).

Oh and god forbide you want to have kids let alone sleep with someone other than a coworker( dont sleep with coworkers.....remember these people are your backbone as your side of line goes into the weeds and if the sex sucked well forget them setting your plates for you.) or have a life.At 38 I still have what only may look like a life....I have a partner and kids ...but I am social weirdo and inept.....

I think I did right by my sons and had them when I was in my early 20's. They grew up with my long crazy hours and sleepless nights as I tried to figuare out the meaning of fiddleheads. They realize that there are times when 5pm really mean 8pm and that mommy sometimes needs to veg out for an hour before her mind snaps back into reality of mommie mode before asking her "whats for dinner?"

Your body as a female chef/cook takes the real beating. Once were long slender limbs replaced with tree trunk legs and hobbit feet. My knees are blown, my feet hate me, i have burn scares all over my body, my finges..heck  even my hair hurts. Our bodies were not meant to haul 75 boxes of chicken but we do it( and blow out our backs the first time trying).

But i suppose there is no other way ...baptism by fire i guess. Funny enough the whole industry has gone very PC. You can't raise your voice or talk stern to an employee or coworker without someone crying foul espically to females. For me don't patronize me, don't call me sweetheart when i am trying to voice my thoughts, don't smack my ass( unless I am naked in private),i will scrub the grease trap as long as skippy does the same. You can call me a dumb bitch in german ,french yiddish etc..and guess what, I will understand you. I will smile at you while you try to fuck with me and you will never see me break...till the year later and I break and cry like a little girl at you after I have yelled at someone for asking me for the hand blender.

I will never be anyones bitch.....it is the one thing I have earned after 24 years.