Saturday, August 31, 2013

You're just a big ball of pork fat and beer

Now , just wait a second....

Ok, what was I actually going to say? Literally have no idea of what the hell I was going to say.

Seriously, I had this whole awesome rant in my head...augh!

Oh yeah....

I miss restaurant work. I miss the crush of the night when the dupes are screaming at you and you're sweating like a  gutted pig. Then a shithead  customer ,who knows nothing about good food ,sends back a perfect beef tenderloin and wants us to basically burn it.

Ummm fuck you the customer is not always right. 

I so hate people who have not taken the time to educate themselves about food, wine, beer etc and then act like super cool hipsters who think dried out steak is awesome.  Food is simple and graceful. There is a beauty and honesty in food. It is not just fuel for us . It's a source of joy and pleasure . It's sinful and ballsy. It as live and destruction all rolled into one.

And not to be a huge dick,but most of you can't cook to save your lives. I mean I am a lazy cook at home but when I cook I am pretty fucking beyond amazing. I can even say that with  a  straight face. What's worse is that I live in an area where i don't even have to try and I am better than 99%. 

My problem is boredom. 

I literally have to entertain myself with thinking stuff up so I can try it just to see if it will work. It's not like I am not occupied by other dumb stuff like paper work...a very evil word to me. It is just I need to entert myself so I won't kill someone there are times when I should just stop but mostly I like to see how far I can

Right now it's gelato and fresh pasta.....Black pasta and bourbon potato chip gelato....

let the good times roooooooll

Friday, August 30, 2013

Giant sweaty anus or Ode to My Beasties

I have a heavy head. And yes ,I meant beasties.

Well, my head isn't heavy but my brain is . Probably a little extreme on my behalf ,but I do have some artistic license here.
I am sure by now you all know I think..and I think a lot. My friend Dan, who is actually sort of my superior, also is afflicted with this problem. I am beginning to think that certain types of ...people ,passionate people, have this "problem" . We just simple can not turn off our brains. It's not that we can't relax. 

Trust me....this whiskey sour is awesome right now.

It's just our minds refuse to give us rest as we try to sleep. And while I can't speak for anyone else, it's not just work related's everything. I will say one thing though is that I personally don't over think or analyze things like I used to. God, that would just leave me exhausted.

My best friend David thinks that because of my bipolar that my mind simple can't not shut down. That it's on edge all the time, but not as a bad thing. I snorted my wine when he said that and his wife smacked him  ,accusing him of being mean to me. But in essence ,he is on to something. Now mind you when I told him a dream I had about killing myself and then changing my mind he had this crazy ass explanation . Not just simple, I wanted drastic changes in my life but was hesitant at the

With the bipolar, your mind races a lot and its hard to just quiet it all down. Some folks get medicine to help and that's perfect. I found it made me want to hurt myself when I was on them and I have tried many( happy pills not like heroin). To each their own. Do what helps you meds,therapy both.


So another thing me and David talked about are these apps that tell people where you are. Why can't you just tell people where you are via texting. I mean seriously, are you lost? Shall I send the rescue dogs?
Do you really think people care that your having a cup of tea around the corner from your house? Good job! You were able to get up, get dressed and walk a block for TEA!

I actually just made myself laugh there. Stupid , I say.

So...everyone I think should have a male and female best friend....I for one have it and its actually pretty damn great. My eldest friend is my bf ,Shelly. I have known her for a very,very long time. I was in my early thirties when we meet I am not anymore. My male is my friend David. David is just as awesome mainly cause he is another chef and has a wife named Michelle. Not the same Michelle but seriously how is that possible . And she drives the same car as me...and their daughter is named with one of my favorite girl names! 
Both BFs are completely nuts like a love able  ,harmless way lol. David and I were fast friends in person  friends. You know when you click with someone... Like not romantically but like.."sweet Jesus he actually gets me" sort of way. This is me and David. Two peas in a pod. It might be cause we are high strung nerd cakes, we just bonded quickly. Of course...two quickly for others not to gossip. I actually turned  on him towards the end. I can't just stop talking to him, I had to just push him hard away. And i hurt him and he Was pissed ..It sucked too. But luckily , when stuff was going a while ago, he came back into my life and made me promise never to be a dick a He offered me an exceptional job too. I wish I could take it . It is as close to my ideal job as I could possibly want.

My best gal Shelly is exceptional. She has been the lifeline. If it wasn't for her , I would not be here. She is my anchor and she knows me the best and knows everything. My ex bf didnt even get the really dirty to the core me, only the person I appear to be.
Not much else to say about her. She makes me laugh at myself and she makes me cry too. 

I am sooo tired right now. Work is kicking my ass. I am being told things right now at work and some of it is about me and some about others and I think the latter is what has my head on fire a lot. There is stuff that will be happening soon and I am getting prepared for a role that I will helpfully be asked to assume.

I have read through this post and should probably erase it and the ramblings. But then what the hell is the point then. The blog is about me and my madness as a chef and person. I like my weirdness . I enjoy my quiet soul and my gray roots. The deep lines from years of laughing hard .

You know's just time to exhale.

Did you hear that? 

I let gas escape my bum...heheheheh 

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Good Intentions

Good Intentions

Surrounded by forces I cannot control
With desire to push through 
To the darkness and light as 
Burning pulses my soul
Trapped in a space
In a box
Punch through the air 
 Intoxicating strength
Gasping for the mighty air streaming down
As it catches my fall
Exiting the shadows
With a leap
And a bound
Of joyous laughter
I was handed
The desire of a new
Has caged me
And I am tied
Happily bound