Thursday, January 23, 2014

Waves of Regret, Waves of Joy......

So work...yeah.

So , where I work is going through some major changes. Some on the surface, so behind the scenes. I know a lot of what is going on and I don't press my big boss that much because sometimes less is more . There are times I was left in the dark on purpose to either save face, or for me not to have the ability to react ahead of time. I tend to react quickly and sometimes it works against me. This I was told just the other when it was explained to me this very thing.

But anyhow.....I am now dealing with another unit and it's not so much a mess but boy it could stand for a good shake up. It was suppose to happen but cake got crushed and I am gluing shit back together.  The challenge is getting my staff on board and worse mangers. Lord save me.

Staff so far least to my face are on board. Go staff!!! The gaggle is responding. Next is to actually make some cash.

Did you hear that? It was my head hitting the wall repeatedly. It is what happens when I talk to people who are dumb and want to stay boring and become complacent .  I am already bored and have to keep myself amused.

Did I mention I have been making espresso milkshakes?  And I made kale chips and you would have thought baby Jesus rolled into town. I actually can't wait to see what I come up . I am stealing many ideas I " helped" with at the other retail unit..(when I say helped , really my manager was bored like me and did stuff that kept him amused and I just said.."ok...but can I help, pretty please"). Some of the things, I am like, duh come on people.

This week has definitely been interesting. I also got my original office back and learned my sous chef was not doing his job.

Go team!!

Oh and I got tossed under the bus  by a manager. To bad it didn't actually do any damage to me. Dumb, really ,really dumb move on their half.  Things can get petty very quickly around there.  Thankfully , even though I have gained some weight back, I can still run with the big boys.

Bad,Mad and way to Fat.

Yes…I am fat.

There, I have owned up to it. I am an overweight women

I struggle almost everyday of my existence dealing with my weight. I have lost huge amounts ( two times I have lost over 100lbs) and both times either gained all the weight back or a good part of it. I am not so much as ashamed as frustrated with my own dumbness.My best friend has pointed out this is the way of G. I lose a lot of weight …not the right way and then gain a majority of it back. Then I get mad and frustrated and gain more weight(she didn’t say that part, I did)
I know they say that you will only be successful at something if you really want it and by golly , it’s true. Now, no one is shoveling food down my throat or tieing me to a chair( though,Rawr…bring it on) so, my fatness is all on me. Not my mom ordad , not my ex husbands or my ex boyfriend. I could say  the lack of support from the ex husband or the emotional tie I  formed with food when I was with my ex boyfriend were reasons as I am sure these were spoken from me at one time( I say a lot things in my life, a lot of what I say is dumb ). But honestly, IT is all on me.  
I have said this that or whatever to justify my fatness or my crazy diets. I have been on many too. Nutrisystem, WW, Atkins, Hey, let’s starve ourselves, Grapefruit diet and my personal favorite: Break up of Relationship diet.  They all work for a short term and that’s all I cared about. Let me look good in a few weeks. Let me show off that I am not such a loser fatty. I had issues, I will admit. Most have been worked through but this damn weight. It is like a noose around my neck. I was looking hot last summer and then….fuckk all I gained 30 lbs back.
I love to say it was cause I was madly in love . I am happy but far from in love. So, as with many people who struggle with their weight, I am back at it. Stress at work and such doesn’t help but that is the least of my problems. My problem is really just me. I am a lazy dieter. The food I can handle. It’s the exercise for exercise sake…blah. I like to hike, swim and play tennis. Hell, I will even play soccer or volleyball. But running on a treadmill or the elliptical are soooo boring. Now, if I could be chasing after something or running away from something, I might move my ass .
So ,here I am again. It is January and I need to get rid of my final 80lbs ( 40 I gained and the 40 I was suppose to lose). It will be a struggle because of my own stubborn brain wants to drink beer and cook all day. But those who know me have seen me on the other side of my stubbornness…ie thinner. I am not even looking to be a rail. Just like to be a size where I was last summer maybe even 10 lbs lighter or 20.
But all boils down to two things:

Ok, that’s just one thing. But that is really all to it. Move your body and eat better. Pretty damn simple. And stop with the diets because they don’t work. 1300 to 1800cal a day  for women, depending on your activity level( to lose weight). Do HIIT workouts with weight training, it is all pretty simple. Go on Pinterest  for god sake and get tons of information.  I am also very lucky to have a few friends also working on weight loss ,which is a wonderful thing to have some support. But in the end, it’s on me whether I will be this weight or if I can grow a set and lose the weight .Only time will tell , I guess.

But for right this moment, I am a fat women. Of course, I am also a sensual, intelligent ,beautiful women that can cook you under the table . And those are my constants, they never change. Well, except I will probably get more sensual, more intelligent and more beautiful as I get older.

My weight is not what defines me. I could be 300lbs and will still be all of the above.

My favorite new food 
Red Pepper tortillas