Little pig ,little pig get in the damn smoker!

So, I am up at this hour doing what I do best......thinking.
I am actually up because after having a few cocktails Friday night , I crashed for two hours , got up again and took my eldest to the airport for his senior trip...at 3am . Then couldn't sleep, watched terrible indie film I haven't a clue the name . Stayed up till my mind had enough at 6pm till 9:30 . So, now I am wide awake.


Thinking.....
Actually , I was reading and doing basic research on business plans and writing proposals to get money etc. The whole thing will need someone helping me as (if you have been following this blog ,you would have noticed) I am not a fantastic speller and grammar person. I'm probably not bad at either , I'm just  sort of a lazy writer...lol


But here I am reading this book called " Eat With Your Hands" . It's a fantastic book. Crusty,Funny and the food is fantastic!
One of the recipes , for smoking a whole pig, has these listed as basic necessities :

Three cases of beer ,on ice. In cans ,not bottles
A couple of joints
2 bottles of bourbon
Plastic cups
An 8- ball
1 carton of smokes
iPod and speakers
2 head lamps
Batteries
Sturdy folding chaired
Tarp tent in case it rains
3 friends who like to stay up all night and who understand the importance of maintaining a consistent temperature in a smoker and are funny as fuck.


I read that,smiled ,and thought..." I like to stay up all night"


Then I turned the page to find pictures of the pig that had smoked . I think I actually said " om nom nom" out loud in a sort of low panting sound.



Not weird at all.


I just found the recipe for pork fries.........made from braised pork belly and serviced ( yes i said serviced and not served)with aioli.
Just imagine it for a few minutes .....

Let it soak in.....

Now , stop licking your lips and dry off the drool.
Geez ,can't take you anywhere ,can I?

I used to be Snow White...but I drifted

Settle down..I know two posts in two days.
It's a Christmas miracle for sure.

Now before everyone gets all excited , this is going to be short and sweet.
I told you yesterday that it's busy catering time and basically busy, period. Sous Chef N is leaving and I have to deal with the other one( lord give me strength) BUT...little mama( that's me ,FYI. And happy also to say I am not BIG mama anymore . Woohoo ) has big catering a to do.

These giant catered events   happen twice a year for us . So I thought I would just share how my mind works while trying to be creative and innovative.

You can see from the picture , I am all over the place. The one stack of papers are ideas from the net that I will twist and turn around on their head to make them mine. Rarely am I lazy enough to just take a recipe straight off the net and call it mine.


BORING!!!!

Oh and two of those papers have more ideas on the back.



There is a sort of Van Gogh/ Mapplethorpe way I do things.

Though I have my ears and well, my food is abstractly sexual.





What ?? It is!!

My butt hurts.....

Sorry my little blog and blogettes. Work picked up a little and my dearest sous chef is so on the verge of abandoning me that I have other things to attend to.


So , what's new with you?

( don't worry, I'll just have a conversation in my head where you say awesome stuff about me and I say stuff like ..." No really, you're to sweet." Or " please , continue". Win, win for all)

So , I got in trouble today for being sarcastic in comment cards.



Just let that soak in for a bit.


Now, I didn't swear at anyone and I did address the person it with the name they wrote...( sorry, you sign it sad fat girl, that's how it gets addressed.) And sure, I asked for large sums of money when they asked for fruity pebbles. But it wasn't like I expected these nerds to ACTUALLY have 50k on them or unicorns.
So apparently a few students just think highly of themselves and don't actually get sarcasm . Then again , most people can't spell sarcasm let alone know what it means or who to recognize it.
Look sarcasm is two things: deflection and humor. Sometimes both , but mostly one or the other. In my family , it's meant as humor. But in my life , I know many MANY people who use sarcasm because they have no soul .And they are really bad at trying to use it. Hence why they have no souls .

But did I also mention the other students who thought I was a hoot?



Yeah, who do you think gets my golden star?....not that I have said golden stars.
That would rather an odd thing or me to just have laying around.








Then again, this is me we are talking about.

I need a hug and I need some love, and I really really wish you were here.

Well, first things first........
I might hold some sort of reject contest to see if anyone is paying attention to the titles of these posts. Some are random thoughts because I giggle at myself at 3am ,after three gin and tonic. Some are lines from songs I am listening to right now...like the lyrics above. The vast majority have nothing to do with what I am writing about. I am really just trying to grab your attention or cause I like the lyrics or saying etc etc. I doubt only my brother can tell me what song the title is from without looking it up,lol.


This isn't even really a post about anything...more of a preview post of things to come.

Subjects that will be tackled in the next few days:
Local sourcing
More about food trends
"Celebrity " chefs
Cooking channel vs food network...this will be HOT!
Fermenting
Sourdough
Adversion to sweets
Menu planning that is driving me nuts
Loss of sous chef N.
Stupid things
Food porn
Food in books
Health eating...you want me to eat that?
Nose to tail eating....why you should.
My restaurant ........looking for help
My tv show idea expanded
Why top chef is silly now
Ferran Adria is a god, but Marco Pierre White is a rock star
Honest take on being a female chef ....with no sarcasium I promise.......maybe.
Tequila Shrimp: the evil that was thankfully never was.



So that should keep us all busy for awhile.

Now,I think I will go watch paint dry.

Punish me with kisses

My goodness, I swear spring will never really come to this area.

We are just fooling ourselves into thinking it might be spring because it's warm for a few days than BAM! Back to cold..not just cold,FREEZzzzzzzzzzzzing cold. I have herbs to plant,mother nature. Hurry the hell up and either keep it cold or hit us with summer. Screw spring!

So in keeping with that whole line of thought , I read an article on using compost heap to cook your food.
Yes, that was my reaction when I read the  headline. I literally vomited a little in my mouth. I know there will be tree huggers and environmentalist who will be all " Well of course you can ,dippoohead. There is natural heat that is created in a compost heap that can reach temps of up to almost 200 degrees ,so of course you can cook in them."

But why would you?

Listen , I am an odd hippy. I believe in local sourcing,reaching out ,supporting local farms and business to growing  business. I plan to do this with my own restaurant. That lowering the whole carbon footprint is good for everyone, I love wind energy and hydro-energy( grew up in Buffalo ..duh!)
But placing my raw food into the middle of a decomposing heap of stuff....ewwwwwwwwww. I don't care how well wrapped it is . It just gives me the willies.
It is not to say I wouldn't try it because well, I am an odd person and will try anything once. I ate Haggis without being dared or drunk, I think that makes me a sure thing on that front. Except eyeballs and vaginas . I just don't think I could do that.
Or penis. Or uterus ....or fingers and toes.

But I digress .

So , this seems to be a new thing for chefs to try out ....but  I doubt it will take off . It is similar to burying raw animals in the ground and covering them with coals and leaves for a few days. But still , how safe is any of it .
What kind of compost pile would you use? Would a normal food one be ok? Or would one with manure be better? But doesn't that beg the question of would it have a shitty after taste?










See what I did there?
Yeah, you can thank me later for that one.