It's almost 3 am and I can't sleep.
Pretty typical for me as the mind races with so much I want to write or say to someone...it feels like at times I have no one to talk to about what I want to say. It s probably the hour of the night.
I haven't been out in a while because of the need to conserve on money....eldest son off to college...( I have a kid old enough for college both makes me over joyed and OMG when did that happen)
I am feeling out of sorts but not in a bad way. I just have sooooo much to say and soooo much I want to do and soooo much that needs to get done . Mostly in my job because home life takes care of itself right now; it has to. March- May life is hectic at work. Four days off in 8 weeks. It literally sucks bulls balls.
Did you read my last post? Do you understand how much it suck to be a chef? Do you understand that we are all morons for doing it? Do you understand that we are literally insane and have no idea we are and make jokes that we are so we don't admit that we are?
Who would purposely chose a job that makes them drug addicts, womanizer,alcoholics or just run of the mill insane.
Cold hard truth....real chefs are self centered and insane . God forbid you love one of us because we make life hard...we do ! I couldn't even lie about this.. Ask any chef....go on..ask them about their spouse.
I keep looking at stuff for Chicago and Portland and think...geez I should have taken that offer inChicago when it was offered a few months ago. But I have this damn loyal thing for my kids.
Bless them .,they are my pride and joy but lord I cant wait till they are both on their own. I did wrong by my eldest. I should have decked him when he punched me in the back many months ago and i would have been stronger against him last year if I had been in a better state of mind but shit happens peeps.
But there is my head and it races like a 5 year old on crack.
I don't think I would have to deal with the stupidity of my work. But there you go, I do.
I wish to this heavenly god that men would just say what they want instead of tip toeing or being vague. You know why women get all messed up ...it's because men just don't say what they mean in black and white. Majority of chicks under stand black and white ...not pink or gray.
One last thing.....
Why the hell don't people just stand up and be accounted for? Ya mmFucked up...who cares! Shit happens and sometimes we fail! Sometimes we fail a lot. It's life . Humans are not perfect therefore shift will never be perfect. Best anyone can do in awesome.
Oh and my sous chef N and I would be amazing together if only he just let me be the executive chef and not be so pissy about me asking question . We be like Bonnie and Clyde or Starskey and Hutch or Shaggy and schobby do. But he gets mad when I question him. Does no understand the shit I have to deal with on a daily basis? And ya know.... I will question anything and everything. ... Because I am the god, Damn executive chef. It's my neck on the line ! No one else's.
Can any of you imagine that sort of pressure
And I am doing it all while losing weight, no caffeine, no soda and trying to have a normalish life .
I so need a rub down.